


Tony Stark Tries To Be A Dad™

by perach



Series: Perach's Tumblr Inbox [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Bi Peter Parker, Bisexual Peter Parker, M/M, Oneshot, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Parent Tony Stark, Prompt Fic, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, Tumblr Prompt, oneshots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 12:07:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18964909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perach/pseuds/perach
Summary: "Can you write a Tony and Peter one where Peter bring a boy home and Tony gives him the dad talk?"Requested by anon on my tumblr!





	Tony Stark Tries To Be A Dad™

About six months after the events with the Avengers plane, Peter and Tony had grown closer and Peter had come to the compound more and more. Feeling more confident, Peter had put himself into the dating game. He even got a Tinder account, which got deleted when some random dude sent a dick pick that Peter 100% did not want. So, that was the end of online dating. Preferably forever, he thought.

Before he had deleted it, Peter had once gotten a notification and Tony picked it up to check it, because Anthony Edward Stark is Nosy, and Peter had to web it away from his mentor. That was quite a conversation.

Peter had met Randy at an after-school mixer. Ned had pushed him to go, and they met at the punch table. Peter had nearly spilled his cup all over the table, but Randy had caught it quickly. They started to hang out that day and had gone on two dates so far. Peter and Randy had lots in common, happy together. The main difference is that Randy was a year behind him, but they were the same age.

And then Randy asked him out.

Peter, of course, said yes. They were now officially dating, but Tony was the last one to know. Tony was such an old man, it'd be the worst if he knew. But he would find out sooner or later, and Peter and Randy had been close for a while.

  
**PETER**  
am i allowedeth to have a friendteth over

  
**TONY**  
What friend?

**PETER**  
new friend, Randy

**TONY**  
How do you know this Randall?

**PETER**  
hes from school

 

After a few minutes of bickering, Peter got the billionaire to say yes. Peter didn't explicitly tell Randy that it was Tony Stark's compound, but it didn't matter. Did it? Randy wasn't that fanboy-y and it was all alright.

Most kids at school knew Peter interned for Tony, and though almost all of them believed that he lied about it, they all had a general concept. So when he told the boy that they should go to the compound, he wasn't all that surprised. Yes, he was grateful, but not overdoing it, which Peter was unbelievably grateful.

Peter was beaming the entire drive there. Happy didn't ask but obviously was confused. Peter blurted a giant thank you when he got out, rushing inside. He ran across the 'campus' to the lab. "Mr. Stark!" He called out, walking in.

"You're excited." Tony looked up from his work desk. He had a lollipop in his mouth, working with his glasses on. He used to chew on toothpicks but Pepper had gotten him a jar of lollipops (mostly for Peter and Bruce, but Tony snuck some sometimes).

"Yeah! Randy's coming over, remember? I think his dad works at the Daily Bugle, and his dad's really nice, and he said him and I could work there together when we're older, and the Daily Bugle's a cool photography job-

"Alright, alright, Pete. Chill. Come help me work, it's boring down here all by myself. I would get a dog, but... dogs are gross. They'll eat small bits. They get you sick. God, I would be such a bad father. I can't take care of sick people."

Peter snorted, sitting across from him, getting homework out from his backpack and starting to work on it, swinging his legs. The two sat in silence for a while, like usual. They never felt the need to force a conversation. But it was a comfortable silence, so that was good. Peter was messing with his webbing design on the back of his homework, which he'd have to rewrite and whiteout later.

"So, you and Randy close?" Tony interrupted the silence.

"Um, yep. He's really nice." He smiled. "And, um... we're... dating. Sorry about not telling you, I promised I would. But, um, yeah, he asked me out a while ago."

Tony set down his tools. "You're dating? So, assumably, you and he have been dating for a few weeks now, huh? Since I'm apparently the last one to know."

"Yes, sir. Two weeks." Peter nodded, chewing on the end of his pen.

"So, he's, er, bisexual as well?" Tony was still learning all the terms and such, seeing Steve did a shitty job about teaching him what the acronym LGBT meant. "He likes boys an girls?"

"Nah, Mr. Stark, he's just gay. Just guys." Peter shrugged it off. "Kids at my school are fine with it, surprisingly. But I do go to a nerd school, so there aren't as many testosterone-leaking jocks." Peter snorted, mostly rambling to himself. He cringed about using the term 'testosterone-leaking'. It's something MJ had said several times while describing her old school. It definitely made Peter feel like the conversation had gone downhill. Tony kept glancing at Peter as if he was thinking long and hard. "Everything okay-" Peter started.

"Are you and your boyfriend going to be sharing a bed?" Tony interrupted. Oh, god. God Christ no. Please. "Or is he on the couch?"

"Um, depends, but, er, probably in the bed? We'll just watch a movie and go to sleep during it." Peter was blushing, panicking. "Why?" _Please don't talk about sex, please don't talk about sex._

"Just because I don't think I want you two in the same bed, you're boys, you're teenagers, your hormones-"

"Mr. Stark!" Peter squeaked, his face crimson. "Oh my god, no, stop!"

"I'm just saying it how it is!" Tony threw his hands in the air.

"No!" Peter squeaked.

"I'm serious, Pete." He lowered his voice. "I know you're both boys, and you're growing and experimenting with your sexuality, but-"

"Mr. Stark, I don't want to have this conversation." Peter put his face in his hands.

"If you refuse to have this conversation then he can't come over." Tony crossed his arms, turning his nose upwards. "I don't even know him and he's coming into my home where my family lives. You both need the talk."

"Both?!"

"I'm assuming his father has given him the talk as well, but I'll have to do. Peter, I know it's hard to experiment with your sexuality and your hormones are all in wack at this age, it's completely normal, everybody goes through it-" Tony started.

Peter, in all honesty, wanted to die. He hated that he was having this conversation with Tony Stark. Imagine Peter going up to Flash and saying 'Tony Stark gave me the sex talk.'

"-you understand?" Tony asked. Peter snapped back to attention because he was 100% zoning out.

"Um, yes sir."

"It's not because it's two boys, kid. If it were a girl I'd be the same. That bed is only yours. That sounded wrong."

"Yes, sir, it did." Peter was cringing.

"Look, I know I'm not your dad, I can't and refuse to take that spot. But I am allowed to make you keep your hands out of your pants."

"Mr. Stark, I'm not letting anyone come over here anymore."

"Don't worry, kid, I'm the exact same with Steve. Bucky isn't even allowed in his room. I don't want no business in here."

"That's really gross, Mr. Stark."

"I don't allow that shit! Same with Bruce and Nat if they still lived here!" Tony waved the pen in the air, very announcing-y.

The doorbell rang through the house. "He's here!" Peter announced, running out of the lab.

"Wrap it before you tap it!" Tony called out, laughing.

Peter screamed as loud as he could.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Send me a request on my tumblr!  
> Tumblr: sameries-ao3


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